I have returned from Asia, unscathed from the terror of Sinlaku. According to my family, who was here in the States during my ordeal and quite certain that this typhoon would only chose me for destruction, not a lot of media coverage on the typhoon was given in the shadow of hurricane Ike. And since my mother couldn’t find any news about the storm, her first rational conclusion was that the ocean had swallowed all of Asia. That might be overstating things a bit. However, I’m pretty confident I can say what I wish about my beloved mother because I’m equally certain she won’t be reading this, as my best guess is that mum thinks that the blogosphere is the newest planet chosen to replace Pluto after it was officially downgraded from our solar system. Sinlaku was my first typhoon experience, and thus why I’m probably writing way too much about it. I was aware of the common dangers associated with such a storm, well pretty much just the wind and rain part. However, I had no idea of the hidden danger. Let me explain. The key to international travel is packing light. Never take more than you need. If you can recycle a few outfits, then do it. I had planned for a 10 day trip, but when the storm rolled in that trip was extended to 17 days. Here in lies the danger. Working a shirt or two back into the wardrobe is one thing, but having to reuse undies leaves potential for disaster. Going commando under jeans in a humid climate is not an option…just imagine the diaper rash. So what options is one left with? You’re absolutely right, laundry done prison style. I spent my last day riding out the storm in my hotel room, washing boxers in the sink with a bar of soap and then drying them to a toasty perfection with the hairdryer offered as part of my accomodations. I’ve seen some survival expert on TV showing people how to get water out in the desert if you’re ever stranded. It’s an important skill to have. How else would you clean your underwear without water?

Sinlaku and Ike, done and done.

Nothing like another Typhoon to close out a trip. But that’s how we do here at Red Ledge, XXXTREME.

So apparently there’s been some bickering going on in the Red Ledge office, something about state pride, photoshopping, Haney hating everyone and Survival of the Fittest. Being the gracious overlord I am I decided to take a non-partisan stance on this issue and let them figure it out themselves, Social Darwanism, if you will. I figure who ever has the best point will come out on top, but I will apologize ahead of time for all of you if there happens to be “Haney can Eat it” outerwear or “Ashley SUX” outerwear in the market anytime soon.

So today as I visited a restroom in China I thought to myself, “Maybe I’m being a little too hardcore. Maybe I should step in, spend some time, and try to resolve this issue.” Then I came across this:

Apparently in China they take “Survival of the Fittest” to the next level, not only do they preach the practice but actively label and segregate the “Strong” from the “Weak”.

After seeing this I decided that I’d let the team at home deal with this situation themselves because obviously, there are those more hardcore than I.

The other day while closing a huge sales deal over the phone; I leaned back in my rather uncomfortable work chair and took notice of all the stuff that has accumulated over the years. You would think there would be some distinguishable features that would call out, “Yes, this is a work station used by a rather successful and shockingly handsome employee.” There is only one work file above my monitor which helps define this work area. That file contains receipts of personal purchases I made while at work.

Working counter clockwise there’s a prepubescent picture of Natalie Portman in The Professional, pretty creepy. Directly on my monitor there’s a backwards sticker reminding me to TAE EMOS SSA, which is vital to maintain a healthy immune system. Continuing around there’s a box set of Deadliest Catch Season 4 that Red Ledge was all over. Next to the DVDs are tissues and disinfecting wipes, which makes sense because Season 4 was that good. That Edgar is hot!

Directly below my monitor is a picture of a man carrying a gigantic fish that is strapped on his back. A little boy asks the exhausted man, “Hey, Miguel is that fish heavy?” Miguel replies simply with, “STFU Pedro!” We’ve all been there, right?

Lower right side of my screen is some Mamajuana that has been fermenting for over a year. Next to that is miel and Rum, both are appropriate in today’s work environment. The miel or honey, I stick outside my window to attract bees and bears. Both of which roam the woods of picturesque Randolph NJ. Both have outwitted my lure of sweets to this day. The Rum is used as another form of disinfectant incase I run out of wipes. Behind the booze is a cube puzzle or a Rubik Cube to the wealthy. That cube puzzle would keep me busy for hours when I was growing up in the favels just outside downtown Paterson.

Above the cub puzzle is a list of all 50 states and their abbreviations, or is it 52 states? Guam’s not a state is it? Anyways, that list has saved the day many times and has even impressed my boss when he asked, “What’s the abbreviation for Kentucky?” Bam! KY, I replied… that was a good day. Boss man likes to keep us on our toes so he tosses out random questions like that, often. Well that is my desk; my sanctuary where I conjure up genius ideas and think outside the box all day long while being in a box and chasing it. Next week I’ll show you what’s over by my phone…

From a previous blog I quote, end quote:

“When I first saw the picture of me standing in a chicken coop my intial reaction was, “man, I drank a lot more at that July 4th BBQ than I thought” - Haney

Well my friend…..you did…..